Photo by Peggy Reimchen

By Ajung Sojwal

Solitude is that kind of a mystery where the spiritual experience of it completely defies the textbook definition of it. An encounter with solitude is a good thing, desperately needed even, if we really want to get to the depths of our yearnings. To be able to distinguish solitude from loneliness or isolation has been a long and painful process for me. In the rather sinuous spiritual journey of mine, it became apparent to me that solitude is the sacred time and space where I somehow get to feel the pulse of God falling in rhythm with my heartbeat. It is the place where my deepest yearning for God spills over. In the speechless experience of solitude, pregnant with the presence of God that refuses to be contained within human vocabulary, I reach desperately for metaphor.

On the edge of the wilderness she stands,
letting loose trepidations of loneliness. Fierce, her yearning for the wild as the wild is for her. Thistles with brilliant yellow blossoms…
spring up in places where none notices them;
Still, they burst open, side by side with the thorns,
morning dew enough to thrive in the aridness.
Boulders, rocks, stripped naked by harsh winds,
their majesty exposed for none in particular;
still, they rise, like gods in the afternoon haze.
Creatures behind rocks, amongst thorns, in the shadows,
satisfied in the scarcity like none else.
Morning after morning, glare of another day;
a blurred horizon with parched bodies
scouring for hope of a different day.
Waning the patience of vultures even,
as hawks glide high above them all,
death sliders off toward the city.
Wilderness alone dares welcome the night
like a repentant lover eager to forgive.
Stars larger and brighter than our sun,
still, smaller than fireflies on our sky,
and I, like dandelion fluff—weightless;
in the soft, cool breeze, sorrows dissipate…
as I find myself, once again, in the wild.
Honest, undiluted darkness…
quiet, gentle, undemanding,
undivided in attention, my sobs it absorbs.
Its ears resting like cashmere on my heartbeat;
in slow, fearless moments, my soul come undone…
in the solitude of the wilderness,
where heaven turns translucent.
Here I free myself, here I am known completely;
unfettered of all that props me up.
I rise, at last, brave, on the feet my Lord gave,
Face to face, here to meet, my Redeemer who awaits.

Ajung Sojwal is the Interim Rector at Trinity Episcopal Church, Tariffville,CT. She lives with her husband in Tariffville, CT.