By Jerrica KF Ching

When I learned that I would need to do a reflection upon God and race, I felt a sudden rush of conflicting emotions.  The past several months have been extremely difficult to process, understand, and work through, given the countless amount of attacks upon the AAPI community, particularly the elderly.  These events have had me unearthing memories of my own upbringing that feel completely fresh and brand new, almost as though I am looking through them with a fresh new pair of eyes.  This process has caused my emotions to run from one extreme to the other, from recognizing how racism was prevalent for me even at a young age, and how interactions with others as an adult were merely swept under the rug repeatedly.

What has presented a different type of challenge for me has been the increase in AAPI community members coming forward in search of an AAPI counselor.  I will not hesitate to admit that my role as a mental health counselor as an Asian American woman was difficult to navigate with my own family, where “keeping things within the community” is strongly emphasized and a “blend in to not upset others” mentality is a high priority.  These past several months have shown me the extraordinary growth of a community that is finally coming forward to say “enough is enough,” and I see more people within the AAPI community helping others and also learning to ask for help themselves.  It has been my personal struggle of processing the trauma witnessed in videos on the news and social media, and learning to make sense of what this means for me, while simultaneously hearing and holding how others in the community react to it, and giving space for them to process as well.

It feels impossible at times!  How do those of us in the helping profession give space to others, while not turning into massive emotional sponges that absorb all of those emotions around us with no space for our own feelings?  I imagine this same thought has crossed many of my AAWOL sisters’ minds for these past several months.  How do we, with our gifts from God for service and community, also feel heard and seen?  I know I could wrack my brain for answers for hours to the point of writing out a peer-reviewed journal article on the importance of mental health, and yet I find the answer much simpler – trust that God would not be putting any of us in a situation that he did not intend for us to learn, grow, and heal from.  Trust in God, the One who has far more understanding of the grand plans for all of us, that what we are facing as a community right now is something with far greater meaning and value than is even comprehensible at this time. 

The things that are happening to our community are awful, heartbreaking, and emotional.  I know I myself have set clear limits on the amount of time I spend on my phone looking at news articles, social media, or any other type of stimulation that could easily cause me to panic and sink into a hole.  On that same token, for every news of an attack that I hear of, I also hear more stories about AAPI community members standing up for racism when they see it, for being helpful bystanders in very scary and risky situations, for leaning upon one another and being open and honest about their emotions.  For all of those times messages were passed down to not do anything in retaliation, it has been so incredible to also see people rising up to do better than those who cause harm, and to see action taking place.

I believe that God also gives us the ability to embrace a “both/and” approach; we can feel both angry with perpetrators and grateful for good Samaritans; we can be frustrated at the actions of others and take action towards reform ourselves; we can be heartbroken and hopeful.

Jerrica KF Ching grew up on the island of Oahu, Hawaii and currently lives in the beautiful state of Washington, working as a licensed mental health counselor and Asian/Pacific Islander mental health specialist at Columbia Wellness. She graduated with an MA in Marriage, Couple, and Family Counseling from George Fox University, where she is now an adjunct professor and supervisor. She finds joy in sharing her compassion with students on the importance of recognizing and acknowledging racial and cultural differences in others. Her research on racial colorblindness has been published in The International Journal of Social Science Studies.